Merci mon amour

It’s unfair that we didn’t have more time, that we only got a few hours. But you know I wouldn’t trade those hours for the world. I made you promise that you’d come to me for help whenever you fuck up and you promised. I’ll always be here. When you fuck up, when she hurts you, when she pisses you off. Always. And I pray to everything she loves you as much as I do, I pray she knows how lucky she is. Because anyone who encounters you is so lucky. I hope she loves your stupid jokes, your voice, your laugh, your smile. I hope she loves you on those days when you don’t have time for anything, when you’re questioning who you are and what you’re doing here, those days when you’re reaching the lowest of lows. I hope she’ll do the impossible for you, like I did. I hope she finds the galaxies I found in your eyes because you deserve it. You taught me this one big lesson regarding regret. You see, I was always afraid of outcomes – it really got in the way of a lot of great opportunities. The same way I was afraid of you breaking my heart in the end, but I loved you anyway. And people expect me to say that I would have never spoken a word to you had I known then what I know now. And at first, I did say that. You couldn’t have blamed me – the heartache killed me; you made me go through hell and back. But you see, the thing is, I thought about it. Weird, maybe, but I thought of it. And I found myself not wanting to change a single damn fucking thing. ‘Cause I look back, and I’m thinking, “Jesus Christ, those feelings were beautiful.” Sure, it breaks my heart every time I look at you, knowing the things I know, like your quirks and your routines –  and I realized that despite the pain, I am glad I know all of these things. I am glad I got to have my dream come true, even just for a little while; to have gotten to know you, to have had you in my life. So no, I do not regret meeting you. No, I’m not ever going to wish you weren’t a part of my life, because for a while, you made me happy and you made life worth it. You made me experience the most beautiful of butterflies in my stomach and I got to witness the most mesmerizing smiles in your eyes or the beauty between the gaps of your teeth. Today, I can proudly say that I am ready to move forward not for you but for myself. It’s time for me to stand up and continue the life I have even before you came. So Love, thank you for that. I owe you everything.


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