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HERE WE GO AGAIN

Why are the voices in my head so loud? I don’t want to take pills, I’ve been sick twice this week alone because of that and I’m so close to almost killing myself all over again, I will lose everyone and I’m not mentally capable of that. I just don’t know what to do.

Suicidal thoughts are more common. I think I would be lost without the thought of ending my life. Honestly, I’m so ready to take the 10 minutes to the nearest bridge, the worst part is there is no one here to even stop me… Nobody cares anymore. They left long ago, I’m too complicated for them. It’s gotten bad again. I’ve stopped cutting for a while now. And I don’t have that urge anymore… But it’s like I crave the pain and sadness. I feel like I don’t want to get better. I don’t wanna lose this depression because without it I wouldn’t know who I am. I’d be lost.

I’m afraid to ask for help. I’m afraid to find out that my emotions aren’t valid and the only reason why I feel this wash is because I’m selfish and I want attention.

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