I was always a fast learner but never for the things that really “mattered” to people. At the age of 6, I could play ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ on the piano but at the age of 7 I could play a little of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. I was swarming with happiness because of it. I already thought I was the best.
When I turned 13, I started writing song lyrics instead of paying attention in class. But I hid all of them into the deepiest, dustiest corner of my room. I told myself that I wasn’t the best and I couldn’t be any better. I told myself it wasn’t something to be proud of anyway.
At the age of 15, I depended myself on falling in love just to keep me sane. I thought that was okay, but no.
When I was 16, I started competing for declamation, oration contests and even to spelling quiz bee. I also remember going home with gold medals hanging around my neck.
I learned to look at the bigger picture, to think outside the box, to be creative, to be curious of the world and the things I actually use in my life or to learn how to love myself for the things people never applauded me for. It was always “How about your grades?” Or “Okay, but I think studying is more important”
At the age of 18, I learned to stop needing for anyone’s approval. I followed my own logic and concepts and I thought “Fuck everyone else. I’m the best I can possibly be”
I was always a fast learner but because I’m living in this fucked up society, it took me years to fall in love with my own mind.