An Open Letter To The Guy Whom I Last Loved

An Open Letter To The Guy Whom I Last Loved

Tonight, I am writing to tell you I’m moving on. Which may or may not mean anything to you but I don’t care.

Whenever I look back to that night when I posted something about you in my old blog, I regretted it. I wish I never said anything. Why? because that same night you told me the things I already knew and gave me the closure that I need. Forget it and move on. Even though I keep telling myself literally that I have NO CHANCE–I can’t erase the faint hope. I fell for someone way out of my league.  But on a second thought, I’m not sorry for telling you I love you. Meeting you was like a beautiful morning. Like the light and warmth of the sun touches my skin. You touched my heart. You spilled colors in my life. 

I realized that I need to start loving myself a little more. We all have baggage and it is hard to know what is in your own baggage until you take a look. I am still dealing with this funk that I am in, but I can tell you that every day gets a little better. I have the chance to be with someone good. Someone who is very genuine and has an extraordinary patience to deal with a girl like me. Someone whom I believe I can open up my secrets to.

I don’t know why I feel so attracted with you, it’s not like we already knew each other for a very long time. Perhaps, it was like riding on a roller coaster for the first time. Or walking to the darkness through the waterfall. Exciting. Breath-taking. I think that was the time I unconsciously gave you my heart. You are far different from the others. You’re  smart, kind, humorous, and in between someone who is shy and outgoing. There is no way someone like you, who is perfect by definition, could ever feel anything towards someone like me. I swear, I wish it would just go away, something like a breeze. If I could only read your thoughts but that would probably break my heart too. 

You know what? She’s lucky. Because someone like you likes her. But I always need to remind myself that I AM NOT HER. And I WILL NEVER BE HER. 

I think that closure was the answer but I don’t even think this idea of closure exists. “Closure” is just a term created by people so they can ask things over and over again, hoping that someday they might get a different answer. I don’t need any answers because I already knew it. And the fact that you don’t feel the same way about me, all I can do is accept that. Finally, I already accepted that. I am not going to forget about you because that is not my goal here. My goal here is to look back on everything objectively and remember the things I learned about myself and about you. How to deal with life without feeling the pain that goes along with these kinds of things. 

I wanted to be with you and I wanted to show you that I would love the way you deserve, but you don’t deserve me ‘coz you deserve someone better, someone who loves you more than I could and someone whom you truly love. The type of girl you never want to lose, someone who won’t give up on you. Maybe we are not meant to be in each others lives.

I won’t lie to you. The thought of you still haunts me. Sounds creepy? yeah, I know that. I just can’t help it. But as the old saying goes “Everything must come to an end”

So this is the end. You will not hear or read anything about you, ever again. I am wishing you well in whatever you pursue. I am wishing you joy and happiness.  And always be reminded that whatever happen I will always be your friend 🙂

-Soleil

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