A LOOK INTO MY OWN WORLD

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Hey there! My name is Nin Soleil Rose Marquez but I prefer to be called Soleil. 21 years old and a graduating student under the degree of Bachelor of Arts in Communication. As most of my peers, I have been asking myself a question, what do I want out of my life? This question bothers many people, and not only the college students who are trying to figure out the path that will lead them to the comfortable life. One might ask, what is that comfort that we all are striving for? Is it a state of mind or is it some unknown world that we are so eager to enter. It varies from person to person; there are several aspects, such as the way were raised, making of our lives that could influence a person and the future decisions that we’ll make. Well today I know what I want to do and what career I want to take as a grownup. I want to be a news caster. Silly right? But I’ve always been dreaming of serving other people, no matter what it takes. I know that this job is a matter of life and death but who cares? I’d rather spend my entire life serving other people and share them my ideas for the betterment of my country. 

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I believe that everyone is different: from character to interests and personality to goals. Getting to know someone can prove to be difficult; the best way is to talk. The one thing in life that brings me the most pleasure is making others laugh. Whether it is a joke, face, stunt or sound, I can produce laughter. Laughter follows close behind wherever I go. Given the chance, I could turn a funeral into a late-night comic relief show. My friends know me as being one to go the extra mile to get someone to laugh. Falling on my face in a busy mall or making funny comments in class are all too familiar practices of mine.

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Unfortunately, my greatest pleasure is also my biggest problem. I am willing to go to opposite ends of the world to make it happen. People who do not know me assume I forgot to take my vitamins, when really I may be just trying to act innocent. When everyone else is happy, I am happy as well.
I cannot spend all my time making people laugh. If I did, there would be no time for other important things in life such as college essays, homework, and research projects.

I’m an idealistic person. When two significant things happen in my life, I believe the universe is trying to tell me something. I don’t believe the world is accidental, so there must be a reason. I believe the universe is a friendly place, and I am very friendly towards it and the people in it. Idealist in the extreme of having a utopian view of the world. I see things through the proverbial rose-colored glasses, not taking into account the many sidetracks life throws my way. I see the world as a beautiful place, and I see how the world could be more beautiful, if only more people would get together, work together, and trust.

Goal oriented. I love to step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself in the arena of public speaking. I love meeting new people. I love talking to strangers. I love to share my ideas with people who haven’t always known me. I want to enjoy myself at work as much as possible. I want to grow. I want to learn. I want to feel challenged. I want to create something that is mine. I want to make my parents proud. I want the feeling of accomplishment. I want more responsibility. I am very focused on what my dreams are, up to the extent where no one can distract me from pursuing it.  I find myself on a vaguely familiar road. However, this time, the colors are different, they’re brighter. I don’t feel like I’m looking into an abyss. I think I can actually see the girl standing there with my diploma waiting for me. I couldn’t see her before, I couldn’t even try to envision her.  It’s different now. I’m actually looking forward to school and to learning new things.

I grew up on fairy tales and Disney, which told me tales about simple girls like me, that were able to find their prince charming. They taught me that love should be given freely and openly, and that in the end it could conquer all. Now I’ve grown up quite a bit and I’ve come to know the harsh realities of life, which is that love is only a piece of the puzzle, and prince charming isn’t waiting around the bend. I shouldn’t hold it against you too strongly; you see I tend to forget that not everyone loves the way that I do. Not everyone is willing to open him or herself up to the unknown, to the possibility of love and the possibility of heartbreak. My problem is I don’t just dip my toes into the water; I jump straight in with all that I’ve got. Life’s lessons should have taught me by now that I should hesitate a little bit, and put up a small strip of caution tape but I can’t do that. I know you didn’t come into my life thinking I’d fall in love with you, especially as hard and quickly as I did. You sparked something in me and I decided to run with it. I have a big heart that is open willingly with no questions asked. Everyone that I’ve let in I’ve believed to be deserving of my love. You couldn’t love me like I loved you, because I place so much value on love. I’m not the type of girl to go into anything halfway. I’m loyal, if I commit myself to you, there isn’t a chance I’m giving my attention to anyone else. I shower you with the love I think you deserve, which is as much as possible. You couldn’t reciprocate those feelings because you didn’t love yourself. On the outside you look like this happy go lucky guy, that has everything together with no worries. Deep down however, there are feelings that you hide from the world. The persona you let the outside world see, isn’t what you think about yourself. You truly are your own worst critic and that you aren’t as confident as you portray. I loved you despite the things you considered your flaws, the things that you decided made you unlovable. I know we all have pasts, I have one as well but my love for you was stronger than that. Even now when we’re not together, I still can’t hate you for breaking my heart. Which just goes as further proof as to why you couldn’t love me like I love you, because despite how it ended and you made me feel, I still care. I would never treat you with any form of disrespect, or make you feel belittled, or be the reason for you to be upset. I’d never give you anything less than the love I thought you deserved, which is why you’ll never love me like I loved you.

Writing this post is literally the hardest thing I have ever done in my life – well, not quite the hardest thing, let’s just go with the trickiest. The trickiest is more accurate. Let’s just start from the beginning, shall we?

 I am no writer, a video editor, at best.

What am I going to talk about on this blog, then. Well, anything really. I’m still trying to figure this part out, but I know that I want to do something a little … interactive. I want you guys to be able to ask me things, I want us to be able to share things..

I guess this is enough of an introduction – see, told you it was one tricky thing to do. I hope that you guys will enjoy reading this blog as much as I’m sure I’m going to enjoy writing it, whether you knew me before or ended up here by accident. If so, know that it is my pleasure to meet you.

Lots of love ❤

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